Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

Erma Bombeck:
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Rita Rudner:
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

Ellen Orleans:
I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the ‘history’ I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America’s traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it’s a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all.

Charles Lamb:
Gluttony and surfeiting are no proper occasions for thanksgiving.

Irv Kupcine:
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

Arnold Schwarzenegger:
I love Thanksgiving turkey… it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

Kevin James:
Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.

Mike Connolly
Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving.

P. J. O’Rourke:
Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.


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